By Tilahun Kiros (from a diary note of June 13, 1997)*
Introduction
In June 1997, I sat down to write these reflections in my diary. It was shortly after I had taken the Ethiopian School Leaving Certificate Examination (ESLCE), and the thoughts and emotions swirling in my mind compelled me to put pen to paper.
At that time, I was a Grade 12 student, but my journey had begun much earlier. I joined the TPLF (Tigray People’s Liberation Front) armed struggle in 1990, dedicating myself to the cause that sought to bring freedom and justice to our people. Over the years, I became part of the EPRDF (Ethiopian People’s Revolutionary Democratic Front) armed forces and later the Ethiopian Defense Forces (EDF). By June 2008, my journey with the EDF came to an end, but the experiences and lessons I gained during those years remain deeply ingrained in my mind.
As I reflect on the immense and unspeakable suffering of the Tigray people, I recognize that its root causes lie not only in the complex history and politics of the Horn of Africa but also in the mindset and policies of the TPLF leadership. I believe that the rigid adherence to communism, without adapting to the realities of our region’s political, social, and economic fabric, played a significant role in creating the challenges we face today.
This article captured my thoughts and observations from 1997, unfiltered and unaltered. The original diary note remains untouched, but here a summary of it is extracted and presented.
The Challenge of Mental Agony
Physical injuries, as severe as they may be, are often curable. Even when they result in permanent disabilities, they can be addressed with resilience and adaptation. But mental agony is another matter entirely. It digs deep, leaving a lingering pain that is almost impossible to heal. The prolonged anguish drains an individual’s mental capacity, leading to a cycle of deterioration, failure, and despair.
As I write this, I can’t help but think of the countless comrades who have experienced this kind of mental torment. The root cause of their suffering often lies not in their own inadequacies but in the circumstances imposed upon them—circumstances shaped by flawed leadership and systemic injustices.
Misguided Leadership and Its Consequences
In my time with the TPLF, I witnessed how leadership positions were often assigned based on political affiliations or national contributions rather than competence or merit. This approach may have been a strategic necessity during the transitional period, but its long-term consequences have been disastrous.
Imagine being led by someone whose knowledge and ability are clearly inferior to your own. Imagine being forced into a position beneath your potential, denied the opportunity to grow or contribute meaningfully. The psychological toll of such a situation is immense. It stifles creativity, fosters resentment, and leaves individuals feeling trapped in roles that do not reflect their true capabilities.
This is not just a question of leadership—it is a question of rights. Those who are denied the chance to fulfill their potential are, in essence, being stripped of their dignity and humanity. Over time, this leads to frustration, abandonment of responsibilities, and a sense of hopelessness that permeates the entire organization.
The Double Burden on Fighters
As fighters, many of us bore the weight of immense responsibilities. We left our families behind, often for years, knowing they depended on us for support. Yet, when the time came to rebuild our lives, we found ourselves empty-handed, burdened by the same systemic injustices we had fought against.
I recall comrades who refused to extend their military contracts because their meager incomes could not support their families. Their decision was met with punitive measures, such as the denial of opportunities to sit for exams like the ESLCE. The decision was intentionally timed to coincide with the eve of the ESLCE, for which fighters had registered, paying a fee of 80 ETB, only to be compelled to abandon it. This kind of double punishment exemplifies the challenges we faced—struggling not only against external enemies but also against the injustices within our own ranks.
The Psychological Toll of Injustice
The mental agony inflicted by systemic injustices is not limited to the individual—it reverberates throughout society. As I write this, I am haunted by the stories of comrades who have been imprisoned, left homeless, or driven to despair. Many of our sisters have been forced into lives of prostitution, while others wander aimlessly, their mental stability shattered.
The leadership’s reluctance to address these issues has only deepened the divide between those in power and those they are meant to serve. Their refusal to engage in open dialogue or consider alternative perspectives has created an environment where frustration festers, and hope diminishes.
A Call for Reform (as of 1997)
The suffering of the Tigray people is not inevitable. It is the result of decades of unwise political decisions and a failure to adapt to changing realities. If the TPLF leadership continues to cling to outdated ideologies and practices, they risk squandering the sacrifices of countless martyrs who gave their lives for a better future.
Leadership must prioritize merit, fairness, and transparency. They must engage with their members openly and democratically, addressing grievances and ensuring that everyone has the opportunity to contribute meaningfully. Without these changes, the organization risks losing its legitimacy and the trust of the people it claims to serve.
This article is a plea for introspection and reform. I write as someone who has experienced the mental and emotional toll of these challenges firsthand. My goal is not to tear down but to build up, to encourage leaders to reflect on their actions and take the steps necessary to create a just and equitable society.
If our leaders fail to adjust their strategy and political stance, the consequences for us, the people of Tigray, could be catastrophic and irreversible. Such a failure would be nearly impossible to recover from and could lead us to a dead end. This might mean the disappearance of a government of the people, by the people, and the violation of our fundamental right to overthrow a tyrannical ruler in our land.
The cause for which we have been struggling has been utterly betrayed. Some of our men may recognize that their actions are beneath their dignity, but their pursuit of personal honor and benefit has tainted them, a corruption that seems beyond redemption. The future of the Tigray people depends on the decisions made today. It is up to the leadership to honor the sacrifices of those who came before us and ensure that their legacy is one of progress, not pain.
*Edited for clarity and readability by UMD Media
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